Men In The Post-Women's-Lib World: Should We Give Them A How-To Guide?

Men are in the news lately -- have you noticed? I read with interest the Sep. 10 Newsweek piece "Men's Lib," about "reimagining masculinity" for our modern age, and I read with equal interest Lisa Belkin's piece in the Oct. 24 New York Times Magazine, "Calling Mr. Mom?" which explored the same topic and cited the same Swedish studies and enlightened public policy concerning paternity leave, among other things. Hooray for Sweden. Clearly, men are on our minds, for more reasons than you'd think. I've been meaning to speak up on the subject, so I'll take this opportunity.

For several years now, I've been inching toward compassion for the poor slobs, for men in general. Perhaps I should say American men, because that's the species with which I'm most familiar. I grew up in the time of women's liberation, just after the early feminists had cleared the way for me to assume I'd enjoy equal opportunities and respect, have a career and, if I felt like it, a marriage and children, too -- and financial independence. So I did all that, and somewhere along the way, I got to feeling exhausted, and chronically pissed off at my then-husband for not doing more, managing more, caring more, remembering more. ("Did you buy milk, honey?" I'd ask. "Oh, no, I forgot," he'd say. Grrr.) I know lots of couples who are stuck in this blame dynamic, and I have a feeling that plenty of others know what I'm talking about.

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