Why My Non-Jewish Fiancé and I Make the Best Jewish Match

I am Jewish. Even though Jewishness really doesn't and shouldn't lie on a spectrum, people have called me "very Jewish." I go to synagogue. I work at a synagogue, leading services with a rabbi. Sometimes people in the subway ask me if I'm Jewish. The Jews handing out Shabbat candles and propaganda booklets on campus used to stop me every time I walked by. I attribute this to my big nose and curly hair. Judaism is a much more diverse group than it's given credit for, but I just happen to fit a lot of the old ashkenazic stereotypes. This results in me getting checked out a lot by yeshiva students, especially when I'm wearing a skirt that covers my knees. I also once got harassed by a bunch of giant, blond guys in a parking lot by the beach. They kept yelling things about money at me. In my bikini, shaking from the cold and from anger, I screamed back at them. I don't know what I said.

I'm getting married in less than a month, to a man everyone assumes is Jewish. His name sounds Jewish. He looks like he could pass for Jewish. He comes to services, and he sings the prayers. But he is not Jewish. He grew up in a family that celebrated Christmas but didn't otherwise participate in Christian practices. He doesn't bother to define himself religiously or call himself an atheist. He isn't interested in entering the debate, or getting tangled in all the messy rules of identification. When he moved across the country for a job and couldn't celebrate Christmas with his family, he worked through Christmas day instead.

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