Men: The New Caregivers?

I always ask my elderly patients whether they have children who are active in their care. It used to be that if they replied yes, it implied they had a daughter; sons were rarely involved. But now we're seeing that men are more often assuming the role of caregiver. In fact, data shows that nearly 35 percent of caregivers to the elderly are men.

This is a big increase over previous years, but many men are still hesitant to assume the role. What keeps men from caring for their loved ones? For one thing, this is a role traditionally dominated by women, so some men feel that their masculinity is threatened by taking on a role that requires intimacy and emotional support. They become worried about how their peers would perceive them if, say, they had to leave work early to care for elderly parents. And consider the inherent double standard -- a woman can take her mother to a doctor's appointment with nary a complaint from others, but when a man does it, he is instantly branded a "momma's boy." Also, some men feel unprepared for the responsibility of caring for another human being, and this unpreparedness deters them from embracing the caregiver role. Furthermore, the combined pressure of providing for the family, raising children, and being a caregiver can be very daunting for any gender. Unfortunately, the impending social isolation that accompanies full-time care of the elderly is intimidating. People like to joke that men are scared of commitment -- well, caring for the elderly is a big commitment that some men are afraid to make.

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