Response to 'Why the Sex Disappeared in Our Marriage'

On May 24th of this year I wrote a piece for the Huffington Post called, "Why the Sex in Our Marriage Disappeared." It described an eight year marriage with little to no sex and the events leading up to that sorry state. I had 485 comments on the article in the Huffington Post and another fifty that came to my website, www.sharynwolf.com. Most were in support of my story and very empathic, although a substantial number of people said, "you stole the best years of his life" and "I'm sick and tired of the man being blamed..."

I would say about half the responses to the article were from other people caught in sexless marriages. There were an infinite number of reasons that they gave; one partner had been caught cheating. The wife went through menopause and the husband says she lost desire. Fighting kept them in separate beds. An illness made sex difficult. And, sometimes there was no discernable reason. The sex just died. And, each person who wrote me said that no one but they knew what was really going on behind closed doors. These couples appear to be happy and their lack of sex is a total secret to the world. Many said they could not believe that the whole world saw them as well adjusted couples when they were anything but. Some couples were miserable in this status, while a decent number had become numb to it long ago and took it for granted. Some even said they had good marriages and that sex was a very small part of what makes a good marriage--companionship was much more important to them.

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