An Ex Passover Guest

I deeply embrace the opportunity Passover affords us for personal transformation; to look at what enslaves us, keeps us from being the best version of ourselves and then moving towards spiritual freedom. It would take 150 years of Passovers for me to work through all I need to work through, but step by step, right? So this year, I decided to take a big first step by inviting my ex-husband to my Seder.

I've been divorced for thirty years. It was one of those epic, custody battle-fueled divorces followed by years of acrimony and hostility. We're both happily remarried now and have other children, but my ex and I had two sons together. When our oldest was getting married and having a child, and our younger son graduating from college, I panicked: We were going to run into each other after years of avoiding sharing any actual physical space. I desperately wanted those joyous occasions unmarred by our ill will. So, after seventeen years of antagonism, I invited my ex to lunch. After the shock wore off and he recovered his voice, he accepted. We did the LA version of smoking a peace pipe and went for sushi. I apologized for my part of our marriage failing and forgave him his part. He graciously accepted, and since then our relationship has been friendly, pleasant and sometimes even nostalgic. So don't lose hope--even the most rancorous relationships with exes can eventually shift into civility. It's just the first seventeen post divorce years that are the hardest.

More...