State laws across the country now impose a "no fault" rule on divorces -- which means that financial and property disputes are resolved without regard to the allegations of fault between the spouses. While legislators and lawyers strongly support this approach, many divorcing couples have a great deal of trouble reaching this plateau of enlightened rationality. For some it is simply a desire to punish a partner that he or she perceives as the cause of the divorce; for others there appears to be a direct connection between the partner's precipitating behavior and the very real costs of the break-up.
While historically the notions of fault included a wide range of bad behavior (abuse, neglect, or excessive drinking, for example), most spouses these days focus on infidelity as the ultimate "fault" leading to a divorce. A recent study of the sexual lives of gay male couples, however, suggests that gay couples have found new ways of reducing the damaging consequences of an extra-marital affair. The study showed that nearly half the male couples they interviewed had found a way to "negotiate" an open relationship, with clear guidelines and open communication between the partners. The researchers concluded that open negotiation over issues of monogamy can reduce the negative consequences of an affair -- in many instances, allowing the couple to maintain their long-term relationship.
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