Guilt is that nagging sensation that we have not done all that we can do -- that somehow we have short-changed ourselves and people we love because of something that we could have avoided. Despite our best efforts, we sometimes find ourselves in deep states of regret or guilt about things we could have done. What are some of the factors that contribute to this guilt, and what can you do to overcome this?
(1) Recognizing what you could have done is not necessarily what was possible: When we think about what was possible (spending more time with your children, not having moved so much, not going through with that divorce) we often forget that at that time there were other things going on that made that impossible. When we remember, our brains selectively hone in on memories. The whole situation is not accurately remembered by the memory centers in your brain and sometimes your recall is just false without your knowing this [1]. When recalling what was possible, remember that your recall is probably faulty. You have probably forgotten how intolerable it was to live with your partner prior to the divorce or how difficult it was to find a job that did not require traveling.
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