I was the invisible child who did all manners of crazy things to be noticed, the teenager who had suffered abuse, rape, and the suicide of her 30-year-old mother, who fell into addiction after addiction to escape the pain of every new day, and who finally at the age of thirty buried her 15 year old son and knew that life was over. I'd been thinking about suicide off and on since the age of 8, each year with new reasons why my life wasn't worth anything and why all that I would ever know was misery.
Kahlil Gibran said, "The deeper sorrow carves into your soul, the more joy you can contain." What does that mean? Today I understand. The smartest thing that I ever did -- at what I thought was the end of my days -- was to make the decision to try something that I didn't believe would work; knowing that if it didn't, I would kill myself. I attended a 12-step meeting for alcoholics. A man there said "You never have to be alone again." That one simple statement reached into my heart, twisted it until it hurt, and helped me to decide to go back... and live.
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