It is so easy to think that there is no one there anymore when the person in front of you does not talk, or when she makes unintelligible sounds, or says things that don't seem to make sense, or doesn't remember what happened from one minute to the next. This is a normal reaction, but one that commonly leads to a whole set of unintentionally harmful behaviors towards the person: talking as if the person was not there, or addressing her as one would a child, or not giving her the opportunity to make decisions she is still capable of, or assuming that our interactions with her don't matter.
The person whose essential needs for dignity, connection and autonomy are not being met is left with a host of raw emotions (anger, grief, shame, depression) that she is unable to express adequately because of her cognitive limitations. Out of desperation, the person shuts down or acts out, becoming aggressive, pacing, wandering, calling out and crying. We drove the person to madness, and now we blame her for it. This is insane. What is called for is a better understanding of what it's like to live with Alzheimer's.
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